Sobering. First 3 years at home, next 20 years in school, 40 years of work, then 20 years of retirement. The average life expectancy in Singapore is around 83 years.
This picture is extended to a hundred years, so the bottom greyed out area is a bonus, if I make it that far.
26 Feb: Spent the day with husband using Singapore Rediscover Vouchers on cable car and a free meal at Abora Hilltop restaurant. Then dinner at Alexander Village – Wow Wow West. The chicken chop is not very nice – dry, salty and burnt.
27 Feb: Lunch at Tang’s. Dinner at Mum’s.
28 Feb: Lunch at Esther’s. Evening jog then dinner at home.
1 Mar: Health screening + pelvic ultrasound scan. Doctor recommended HPV test. Lunch at La Ristrettos – pancakes were good. But I can’t eat as much as before I guess. Went for foot massage then a haircut. Realised there are more and more white hairs popping out and prolonged hair loss. After having kept long hair for the past 10 years, it’s now a bob. Good riddance! Feeling emotional at the vulnerability of my mortality and uncontrolled passing of time. Also, wondering when do responsibilities drop (or a sense of the need to be responsible for my existence, i.e. bills). Time is running out for me to make huge and irreversible decisions like whether to have children (more responsibilities!), or a career change. It doesn’t help that I am now listening to some songs of younder years, reminding me of more youthful and carefree times. How about screw this corporate shit and work in a cafe?
Have been reading on Regrets on Reddit. People regret working too hard. People regret not spending enough time on personal/family relationships. Why don’t people learn?
It’s December again. Felt like 2020 went by in a flash. This time last year I was still at my old job, wishing to leave. This year, I am buying xmas gifts for new colleagues. Most part of the year was spent working from home which I have already gotten used to. Not sure if I would be used to the open concept office with all the constant hubbub. The negative part of the old job still haunts me at times. I think I need time to process, digest, eliminate and move on.
30 is just the beginning of a new decade. Revisited some old songs of 2010. The idols who were so popular then moved on. Some became even more popular. Some pursued personal interests. And some died. Some bands disbanded, some still managed to pull together. Just like the way it is closer to home. As cliche as it sounds, change is the only constant.
Speaking of change, I feel like I no longer am too concerned or desperate to achieve FI (although it is still a goal). In short maybe I am less of a scrooge now. On the other hand, I also feel a lot less passionate about environmental causes. Maybe it is because it has become part of my life, but I don’t beat myself up if I needed a straw for a rare bubble tea treat or a rare takeaway in styrofoam and plastic bag. Ah, maybe it is true that affluence reduces empathy.
I still think becoming more self-sustaining is important – for survival when an environmental catastrophe happens. So I was thinking since I have learnt how to make a decent loaf of bread, and gotten a driving license, and that the type of administerial job I hold now may become obsolete in the next decade, what should I do/learn next? Perhaps the first kind is still self-sustaining ones for basic needs: like growing and making food, and using food as medicine – traditional chinese medicine, alternative medicine, gut health, etc. The second kind probably some traditional skills that everyone needs: sewing, knitting, some kind of maintenance work or healing work. And the third kind, something that will land me a job next time (maybe some IT related stuff but I’m not really interested).
Serendipity (more like algorithm) brought me to “Dear White People” on Netflix which got me hooked for a good few days. Looking forward to the next season!
But nothing as exciting as the election which will be held on 10 July. Same few old debates coming up again and again. Also, always held during an unprecedented crisis, perceived or real. Will Singapore take the risk to rock the boat? Stay tuned!
I think it’s a priviledge to say I really enjoy working from home. Expenses has dropped so low. I also like that I can choose how I am spending money on food. Sometimes I do feel like having someone serve me, so we visited Pasta Mania on our secondhand bicycles. No pressure of eating out at a restaurant facing awkward collegial conversations. But, it doesn’t mean stress and corporate BS don’t flow through the network of electro-vibrations of the internet to me. Oh well, I thought I left a bureacracy for freedom of writing emails but I guess not!
Income for September is only $452.78 as NPL kicks in. Surprisingly my outlay is only $830.16 (facial took up more than half of this amount) likely because 10-12 days were spent at the Vipassana Silent Meditation where I am out of contact with the world and so there was no need to spend.
The meditation gave me a good time to reflect. Some of the realisations I had:
I am still learning how to observe and letting the negative sensations pass (not stored) without reacting. I will be going back to the office next Monday and I am already having nightmares. I have to remind myself that no matter how much time I spend there, ultimately it is temporary. All sufferings and pleasant things are temporary. My job is just to observe these sensations and let them pass without clinging onto them.
Other things that I have been wanting to do which I have done during these 2 months:
I also visited grandma as she went into a neuroglycopenic coma about 2 weeks after a fall which resulted in a fractured arm.
Started my 2 months’ break volunteering with Uthai Forest. Met many cool and like-minded people. Mostly disillusioned city dwellers looking for simple living and truth.
YY is an engineer who specialises in solar panel installation. He has worked for Dr Toh before and was working at All Green Learning Centre for the last 2 years. He has no plans on where to go next. MJ had 10 years of experience as an insurance agent, who then switched to Social Enterprise work. He was on WorkAway and is also going for Vipassana Meditation. Bel is a cryptocurrency trader but is kind of cynical of our society and enjoys community work. Linh is a free-spirited Vietnamese girl studying Social Enterprise in Thailand. Angela is a retiring doctor and is also one of the sponsors of the land. When asked what do her friends and family think of her sponsoring the land, she replied, “They think I’m crazy.” I love this kind of people.
Tree planting was back-breaking under the merciless sun but extremely rewarding. It takes my mind off anxious thoughts about work and money. It gives me hope for the future. It is probably the most sensible thing to do now in light of the forest fires all over the globe. It is also the ultimate test of delayed gratification and selflessness because one may never witness the maturity of these saplings (not to mention a forest!), but it is so important to take action now.
I also loved the cheap and delicious local food at Uthai Thani.
We planted dipterocarps/Tier 1 trees and Tier 2 trees. Tier 1 trees have to be at least 8 metres apart while Tier 2 trees have to be 4 metres apart. We also planted bananas, papaya trees, sweet potatoes, vetivers, bamboos, neem trees and two young baobab trees.
After my return from Bangkok, I spent some days at GUI and Citizen Farm. Most work is kind of symbolic; for the experience, social media and feeling good. City dwellers really don’t have much experience and skills to become self-sufficient which is scary. We are quite crippled without money after being so used to outsourcing every minute task. We are truly so poor that all we have is money to settle all our problems, on top of complaining. What if money is no longer useful? Are you still useful then?
The irony is, this post is about my expenses.
June: SSB JUN18 interest ($25.20). Paid off the last of renovation costs ($1,000), signed up for Thai language class ($521.90 after finishing Skillsfuture Credits), treat SO birthday dinner ($75), bought many home-related items from IKEA (~$300), grocery ($233.77). Savings rate: 26%
July: Nikko AM STI ETF dividend ($269.70), VWRD dividend ($30.97). Bought air tickets to Bangkok ($385.28 for 2), sign up for more facial ($967.18), bought a dress and a T-shirt from Fashion Pulpit ($33), grocery $125.01). Savings rate: 67%
Aug: SPDR STI ETF dividend ($396.80), Nikko AM ST Asia REITS ETF dividend ($22.60), SingTel dividend ($42.80). Changed to Thai Baht ($243.30), facial ($456.68), bought 4000 units of Nikko AM ST Asia REITS ETF at 1.273 ($5,092 + $12.87 fees), grocery ($159.60). Savings rate: 72% (Surprisingly! Not going to work saves you money!)
I have also spent a lot of time at home, not binge-watching mindless shows, but I have been cooking, baked bread, created a compost bin, planted seeds, slept, write my thoughts, draw, watch YouTube videos on Self-sufficiency and How to cook whatever. I am pretty satisfied with staying at home and doing my own things. I don’t need external stimulations to keep me entertained. When I’m sick of being indoors, just a walk around the vicinity near nature is good enough. Do you think this is Deprivation or is this The Good Life?
Headache, backache and difficulty relaxing. Can’t wait for my leave to start. My npl is approved. I need it for self preservation, self care, for my physical and mental health.
Recently kept imagining myself dying, jumping from height. The thought is scary but it is haunting. I cannot entertain such thoughts anymore lest it makes my decision making skills murky.
Dinner at saizeriya was delicious with “dignified portion”. Ordered spinach mushroom cream pasta, spinach bacon pizza, chicken wings and eggplant with bacon.
I’m going uthai forest to plant trees! I’m going vipasana meditation to clear my mind too I hope it helps!
It has been a busy period with the wedding and moving into our new house. I really like having our own place. It never occurred to me that I would enjoy living away from my parents because that means I would have to do my own household chores and no homecooked dinners. But I really like having the physical space and freedom.
I am so glad the angbao money covered all of our wedding expenses including rings, food, photog, make-up artists and miscellaneous costs.
Just finished paying off our renovation cost of $57k. Yay! Now, all we have to focus on are the mortgage and monthly utilities.
I feel like a huge rock is off my shoulders and can finally focus on myself (more time for job search, volunteering and self-improvement projects). Asked for NPL and a switch in portfolio. Signed up for Vipassana 10-day silent retreat and Practical Permaculture Course at Sahainan. Probably exploring becoming a Special Needs Educator too.
Going to volunteer with Foreword Coffee SPED workshop teaching special needs kids how to make coffee. Today was the training. Met many wide-eyed undergraduates who don’t know what to do with their lives at the training session. Most of them are from FASS lol. There’s one law graduate who doesn’t want to practise law is going to teach English in Japan soon and think about what she wants to do with her life. Didn’t want to disappoint them by saying I have no idea what I am doing even after 5 years. But at least I am clearer on the things I value and like (work-life balance, meaningfulness, work worth doing, autonomy, environmental-social-economical sustainability) and what are the things I don’t like (overpaid corporate bullshit jobs, do for the sake of doing, wayang). I am also always thankful for this job and my ability to delay gratification as it helped me saved $100k before 30. Slowly but surely climbing up the Maslow’s hierarchy of needs.
omhabits 